So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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