i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
