OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
