I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
