i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
