Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
