Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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