Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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