then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
