That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
