I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
