Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He passed out mid-signature
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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