Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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