Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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