What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
