He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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