Your tits are I can't wait for
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He better not be in your backpack
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
