it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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