He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
