I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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