you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
