there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
