FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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