does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
