the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
