I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
