There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
