Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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