So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
