I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
