Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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