So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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