Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
