I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
