i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
