Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
