last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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