It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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