pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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