I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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