I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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