how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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