Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
