i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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