I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
