dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
