It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
