You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
