The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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