Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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