My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
