Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
