Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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