Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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