They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
organizing the empties. That sober.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
