woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
