I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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