Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
