Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize