last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
