I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
