I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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