Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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