can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
