i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
