Is it because I queefed?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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