MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
