You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
