Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
